january 15, 2010

Today is another day. My younger daughter just started on psych medication and is going through the beginning phases. I kinda makes you feel high. It will for a while until your body gets used to taking it. I have my granddaughter for the weekend. hurray!! My older daughter is completely miserable being pregnant. Nothing seems to go right. She's bipolar big time. I just found out that I can get a 3 bedroom apartment but don't have the security deposit for it. So I'm totally bummed out about that. I'm scheduled to go for my hearing for disability soon, I'm a nervous wreck about that. So I have to take one day at a time. I've been kinda depressed but I can't let it kick my ass. Just be grateful for what I have.

January 10, 2010

Hope today is a good day. It's very difficult dealing with my daughter. She's 8 weeks pregnant and is going through the worst first trimester. On top of her being bipolar, she's a bundle of hormones. She's not eating and that dosen't help. Her boyfriend is an asshole from hell. Hope he goes to jail soon. He's always in trouble. I must say I love my daugher deaply and I only want the best for her.
Thinking of moving to a bigger place, God knows how I'm gonna come up with a security deposit. I need a job but I don't know how I'm going to swing it with the illness. I have problems with all kinds of issues when it comes to dealing with people in the workplace. Everyday I think it's going to get better but it doesn't. I just wish I could get back on the stick. I have problems processing and I feel slow about figuring things out. I feel I'm going to catch up on things but it just doesn't happen. I always think it's the med's but I just can't stop them, I'll be a mess. I just hope for a better day tomorrow.

January 8, 2010

I've incorporated some exersize into my day. This is a good thing not only for my bipolar but for my waistline. Exersize helps to send oxygen to the brain and the brain is where the bipolar is generated from. I didn't have such a good week with the medication. I forgot to take the evening doses. But not to worry, I'm right back on track. That happens every so often. You can't beat yourself up about it. Luckily the medication is into the body so much, it dosen't cause to many problems. however, when I get so neglectful, I start to get the symptoms back. I find that alot of it is a mind set. Whenever I start to feel like the symptoms coming back I try to talk myself out of it.

Flashbacks of the past

Wow...watching my daughter and her friend who is also bipolar, brings back all of the flashbacks of the past. The impulsive behavior, permiscuity, and above all the loud mouths.

Another day in my life

Aside from the fact that I still have trouble sleeping because my mind runs over so many things that have happened to me. I have a good life. I am always wondering when the bottom is going to fall out. I guess that's a part of the post traumatic stress that I live with. I used to wonder why I was always freaked out about having to do things or how to do things but now I know it's PTSD. Today I feel like my bipolar is catching up with me. I think it's because I've been sick for 3 days. It's bound to happen. I had a hard time with going into a store today with my daughter to return an item. How stupid but it happened.

I live with my daughter Stephany who is totally bipolar and won't admit it. It's so hard to deal with her and try to keep myself sane. I love her dearly but she can be quite abusive toward me. I try to let it roll off but until she moves out I have no choice. This is the daughter that just found out she's pregnant. Well tonight is a good night though, I have my baby girl Victoria sleeping in her bed and spending the night with me. I couldn't ask for anything more.

Taking responsibility for you bipolar illness

You must take responsibility of your disorder, not meaning that it is your fault, because it is not, but in the sense that your recovery is ultimately your responsiblity. There is no doctor, medicine or treatment that can cure your bipolar disorder or mental illness. These can only help to treat your illness. Being complient with your treatment is the best way to manage your mood disorder. That lifelong commitment comes into play again. It is totally well worth the commitment. I have had bipolar all my life, I'm now 47. I made this commitment to myself approximately 15 years ago. I was 32 years old. My life has totally changed, my relationships have changed, everything has changed in my life. It's like i look at a different person when I reflect about my life before treatment. My life is good now. I have fulfilled relationships with family members and friends. I love my life now, and you can love yours too.

Tips on treatment

For the manic phase of bipolar disorder, typically used are antipsychotic medications, lithium, and mood stabilizers. For depression, antidepressants are suggested, with or without the manic phase treatment.
There's not alot of evidence suggesting that any medication is successful in the maintenance phase. However, in studies that followed patients for a number of years, lithium and some antipsychotics were found to be very successful.
Antipsychotic drugs can help a person who has lost touch with reality.
Anti-anxiety drugs, such as benzodiazepines, may also help. The patient may need to stay in a hospital until their mood has stabilized and symptoms are controllable.
Getting enough sleep is important keep a stable mood in alot of patients.
Psychotherapy is helpful during the depressive phase. Joining a support group may be particularly helpful for bipolar disorder patients and their loved ones.

Risks for not seeking treatment:

Untreated or undertreated bipolar bring all types of devastating consequences. Because bipolar distort self-concept, attitute, thinking, behaviors, relationships, perception, judgment and reactions to every situation you encounter, they change the very essence of what makes you "you."

Not only educating yourself about your need for treatment it's important to educated other's about your treatment plan. I know this from experience. I lost a long-term job from hiding the fact that I am bipolar. If I had made it clear to the union of my illness I would never had the right to be fired. So covering all of your bases is a proven fact. Being clear to the people around you and not being ashamed of your illness is best.

Do you think your medication is working?

When taking medictions for bipolar illenss, you will notice changes happening, changes with your body as well as your emotions. You may notice right away changes in your emotions. The changes occur very slowly. Each individual with bipolar is different. You might not notice the changes all of the sudden, but they will happen. Usually others with bipolar will notice changes before you do, it's important to ask other's if they notice any differences in your behaviors.

When taking your medication for bipolar disorder you might first notice that you no longer get upset over certain situations as you did before. You will stop obsessing over things as you did in the past. You will feel comfortible dealing with everyday situations. Your mind will slow down and not wonder from subject to subject. When beginning medication for bipolar you may feel tired and run down but your focus will be clearer. Concentration will definately improve. You will experience the calm after the storm. It's an amazing feeling. Situations that once would upset you, don't anymore. You will see the difference between depression opposed to saddness.

I have been on medication for bipolar disorder for about 15 years and I have noticed all of these changes when my medication for bipolar was working right. It will sometimes take a number of tries to get the right combination of medications to work. But don't give up it's worth it.

Living with Bipolar

Your world becomes an oasis of ups and downs. It’s a fine line between the manic stages and the depressive stages. When your up, your really up and when your down, your terribly down. Sometimes is feels wonderful to feel the up (manic). Incredible feelings of power and energy overwhelm you. You believe you can wholeheartedly pull off any trick you try. In another second you can feel the pulling force of the dark abyss below (depression). You may feel like your being cut in half. If these symptoms go untreated you can feel 1 to 5 levels higher or 1 to 5 levels lower, if your lucky you can experience balance for a little while. You can never truly trust your own mind.

Thoughts about Mania or Hypomania

Elevated moods that interrupt sleeping patterns, effect your appetite, changes your feelings about situations, and definitely changes your thoughts, self-esteem and confidence levels is a good description of Mania. Mania changes concentration and decision-making. Bipolar display mania symptoms along with depression but there's a possibility to only have hypomania, which is mania but not so severe. Some people go directly from mania to depression called cycling. There may be a time of what I call "normal". Some people just have manic episodes and don't experience any depression.

Some more symptoms of extreme mania are as follows: Bizarre behavior, definitely substance abuse, Risky behaviors, impulsiveness, racing thoughts (especially at bedtime), difficulty to focus and concentrate, and major elevated energy.

My feelings on depression

Everyone has there down times and occasionally gets the blues. If you suffer from bipolar illness than you have experienced depression, to the fullest. I've had my share of depression.
From my experiences with depression, I found the following to be common syptoms of depression: Substance abuse is one big sign, being angry is another, becoming aggressive, not caring about yourself and other's, being self destructive, sleeping all the time, physical body aches that are unexplainable. These symptoms are classic for depression.
A person who experiences a great deal of depressive episodes can suffer from "Unipolor disorder". It the same as bipolar symptoms without the Mania.

More on Suicide

Are you stuck in a deep dark depression that seems as though it will never go away? You wonder if your life has ever been worth living. The thoughts are so far away you can’t even remember. You feel worthless and feel that you bring sorrow to everyone who loves you. You feel clearly that they’ll all be better off without you.
There is a light at the end of that dark tunnel. With proper treatment and medication you will live a wonderful and happy life. I’m living proof of that. The key is to make that commitment to yourself that you want to get well and take the first steps and don’t quit. It takes a lot of will power and work but it will work. Make the call, see the doctor and STICK TO THE MEDICATION!

If your feeling like Suicide

Having Bipolar Disorder is a very difficult disease to live with. At given times a person can feel suicidal, Lord knows I have. I had become very discouraged about alot of things throughout my journey and you probably have as well.




Life is precious, so if your feeling like no one cares or you want to end your life, give the following number a call.

1(800) SUICIDE
1(888) SUICIDE
People are available at anytime to help you.