january 15, 2010

Today is another day. My younger daughter just started on psych medication and is going through the beginning phases. I kinda makes you feel high. It will for a while until your body gets used to taking it. I have my granddaughter for the weekend. hurray!! My older daughter is completely miserable being pregnant. Nothing seems to go right. She's bipolar big time. I just found out that I can get a 3 bedroom apartment but don't have the security deposit for it. So I'm totally bummed out about that. I'm scheduled to go for my hearing for disability soon, I'm a nervous wreck about that. So I have to take one day at a time. I've been kinda depressed but I can't let it kick my ass. Just be grateful for what I have.

January 8, 2010

I've incorporated some exersize into my day. This is a good thing not only for my bipolar but for my waistline. Exersize helps to send oxygen to the brain and the brain is where the bipolar is generated from. I didn't have such a good week with the medication. I forgot to take the evening doses. But not to worry, I'm right back on track. That happens every so often. You can't beat yourself up about it. Luckily the medication is into the body so much, it dosen't cause to many problems. however, when I get so neglectful, I start to get the symptoms back. I find that alot of it is a mind set. Whenever I start to feel like the symptoms coming back I try to talk myself out of it.

Flashbacks of the past

Wow...watching my daughter and her friend who is also bipolar, brings back all of the flashbacks of the past. The impulsive behavior, permiscuity, and above all the loud mouths.

Another day in my life

Aside from the fact that I still have trouble sleeping because my mind runs over so many things that have happened to me. I have a good life. I am always wondering when the bottom is going to fall out. I guess that's a part of the post traumatic stress that I live with. I used to wonder why I was always freaked out about having to do things or how to do things but now I know it's PTSD. Today I feel like my bipolar is catching up with me. I think it's because I've been sick for 3 days. It's bound to happen. I had a hard time with going into a store today with my daughter to return an item. How stupid but it happened.

I live with my daughter Stephany who is totally bipolar and won't admit it. It's so hard to deal with her and try to keep myself sane. I love her dearly but she can be quite abusive toward me. I try to let it roll off but until she moves out I have no choice. This is the daughter that just found out she's pregnant. Well tonight is a good night though, I have my baby girl Victoria sleeping in her bed and spending the night with me. I couldn't ask for anything more.

A little about me and my crazy life

Well enough is being said about all the side effects and all the technical jargon about bipolar. Now I can start to talk about living my life with bipolar. I think back about my days of my youth and it seems as though I'm looking at another person. All the ups and downs of my life with bipolar. I still have ups and downs but not like before. There minimal now. I have to say taking my medication has changed my life.

The most important person I have now in my life is my granddaughter Victoria. She's the light of my life. I just can't get enough of her. I just had to say that. Being a grandmother has changed my life in the best way possible. Being able to have a close relationship with her means the world to me. When growing up I wasn't allowed to have relationships with a number of people because of my bipolar illness. I wasn't "stable" enough.

Many things go on in my everyday life which I'll get into more in detail but for today that's it. Oh by the way I just found out I'm going to be a gramma again, but that's a whole story in itself.

Taking responsibility for you bipolar illness

You must take responsibility of your disorder, not meaning that it is your fault, because it is not, but in the sense that your recovery is ultimately your responsiblity. There is no doctor, medicine or treatment that can cure your bipolar disorder or mental illness. These can only help to treat your illness. Being complient with your treatment is the best way to manage your mood disorder. That lifelong commitment comes into play again. It is totally well worth the commitment. I have had bipolar all my life, I'm now 47. I made this commitment to myself approximately 15 years ago. I was 32 years old. My life has totally changed, my relationships have changed, everything has changed in my life. It's like i look at a different person when I reflect about my life before treatment. My life is good now. I have fulfilled relationships with family members and friends. I love my life now, and you can love yours too.

Tips on treatment

For the manic phase of bipolar disorder, typically used are antipsychotic medications, lithium, and mood stabilizers. For depression, antidepressants are suggested, with or without the manic phase treatment.
There's not alot of evidence suggesting that any medication is successful in the maintenance phase. However, in studies that followed patients for a number of years, lithium and some antipsychotics were found to be very successful.
Antipsychotic drugs can help a person who has lost touch with reality.
Anti-anxiety drugs, such as benzodiazepines, may also help. The patient may need to stay in a hospital until their mood has stabilized and symptoms are controllable.
Getting enough sleep is important keep a stable mood in alot of patients.
Psychotherapy is helpful during the depressive phase. Joining a support group may be particularly helpful for bipolar disorder patients and their loved ones.

Risks for not seeking treatment:

Untreated or undertreated bipolar bring all types of devastating consequences. Because bipolar distort self-concept, attitute, thinking, behaviors, relationships, perception, judgment and reactions to every situation you encounter, they change the very essence of what makes you "you."

Not only educating yourself about your need for treatment it's important to educated other's about your treatment plan. I know this from experience. I lost a long-term job from hiding the fact that I am bipolar. If I had made it clear to the union of my illness I would never had the right to be fired. So covering all of your bases is a proven fact. Being clear to the people around you and not being ashamed of your illness is best.

Some talk on Bipolar Disorder

Men and woman both get bipolar disorder. The illness is most common in people between the ages thirteen to thirty one. The cause for this is a mystery. Bipolar disease is definitely passed down from our family.

There are two different kinds of Bipolar, I and II. Bipolar I is more severe than bipolar II. This illness starts in the brain, when your bipolar the transmission in the brain, skips working in a pattern. It's weird but it's a good description of what happens. Bipolar is the same thing as manic depression. The manic meaning mania, it's makes you very fast, especially your speech and thoughts. I say it's going 120. The depression is a huge sadness overcoming you. It gets hard to do anything, especially get out of bed. These mania's and depression's alternate. The goal is to make them come to a medium. When your bipolar these mania's and depressive states are very severe.

There's another illness that is misdiagnosed alot, it's called cyclothymia. It's very close to bipolar II.

My thoughts on LITHIUM

When taking LITHIUM for bipolar disorder you will find it to be one of the best medications. However, you can experience some minor side effects. Clinical tests show that about 75% of people who take LITHIUM for bipolar illness will experience some type of side effect. These side effects will definitely weaken as you go on taking the medication. It's very common for allot of side effects to disappear after adjusting the dosage.

It is suggested that you let your doctor adjust your dosage, don't self medicate, like I always used to try to do.

The most common side effect's are: Hands shaking, diarrhea, thirst, vomiting, weight gain, increased urination, fatigue, hypothyroid, loss of hair, weak, concentration loss, loss of memory, and acne. I must add that I have experience all of these side effect's when taking LITHIUM. LITHIUM is a very strong medication. After time alot of these side effect's went away.

You must immediately consult your doctor if you experience any of the following: Slurred speech, walking difficulty, tripping, confusion, fainting, fever, and rapid heart rate. Express to your doctor all your medical history. Do not drink, drive or use machinery and stay away from all salt.

Do not double up on your medication.

I took LITHIUM for a total of 10 years and dealt with alot of side effect's but I really liked the medication. If I didn't get diabetes insipidus (another side effect), I would still be on it. I now take Trileptol, zoloft and abilify.

Feeling Bipolar?

I like to feel that there is truley no "normal". Every person make's life what is it. If your bipolar it can be very difficult to find that mid point. Not being so manic and not being so depressed. Being bipolar you may feel some of the following symptems:

Fell very different that you may usually feel
Your thoughts may be very fast for very slow
Your feeling feel very disturbed
Functioning difficultly
Concentaration difficulty
Feeling irratical


Seeking treatment is your next approach to your illness. It's unfortuate because most people deny being bipolar. When seeking treatment for bipolar, or manic depression or any mental illenss it is a lifetime commitment and many people can't handle the commitment.

What is Bipolar Disorder?

Bipolar disorders are one of many medical conditions called depressive disorders. Bipolar affects the way a person's brain operates.

Bipolar is widespread. In the USA, it's estimated that more than 18 million adults have Bipolar. That works out to about 1 out of every 8 people, so there's a good chance that you or someone you know is dealing with bipolar.


Bipolar disorder goes by many names: manic depression, manic-depressive disorder, manic-depressive illness, bipolar mood disorder, and bipolar affective disorder are medical terms for the same condition.

Bipolar disorder is classified into two different types: Bipolar I, Bipolar II,. Mental health experts separate the condition into these two types because the symptoms of bipolar disorder show up differently in different people. When doctors know what type someone has, they can tailor treatment to that person's specific needs.

Bipolar is a form of mental illness much comparable to a disease like diabetes. There is a lot of controversy in the term "mental illness". However, it needs to be excepted by oneself and treated long term. Bipolar also known as manic depression is a mental illness. Having a mental illness involves, thinking, perceptions and behaviors that are not considered the "normal" in our particular culture or what society may perceive.

Living with Bipolar

Your world becomes an oasis of ups and downs. It’s a fine line between the manic stages and the depressive stages. When your up, your really up and when your down, your terribly down. Sometimes is feels wonderful to feel the up (manic). Incredible feelings of power and energy overwhelm you. You believe you can wholeheartedly pull off any trick you try. In another second you can feel the pulling force of the dark abyss below (depression). You may feel like your being cut in half. If these symptoms go untreated you can feel 1 to 5 levels higher or 1 to 5 levels lower, if your lucky you can experience balance for a little while. You can never truly trust your own mind.

Thoughts about Mania or Hypomania

Elevated moods that interrupt sleeping patterns, effect your appetite, changes your feelings about situations, and definitely changes your thoughts, self-esteem and confidence levels is a good description of Mania. Mania changes concentration and decision-making. Bipolar display mania symptoms along with depression but there's a possibility to only have hypomania, which is mania but not so severe. Some people go directly from mania to depression called cycling. There may be a time of what I call "normal". Some people just have manic episodes and don't experience any depression.

Some more symptoms of extreme mania are as follows: Bizarre behavior, definitely substance abuse, Risky behaviors, impulsiveness, racing thoughts (especially at bedtime), difficulty to focus and concentrate, and major elevated energy.

My feelings on depression

Everyone has there down times and occasionally gets the blues. If you suffer from bipolar illness than you have experienced depression, to the fullest. I've had my share of depression.
From my experiences with depression, I found the following to be common syptoms of depression: Substance abuse is one big sign, being angry is another, becoming aggressive, not caring about yourself and other's, being self destructive, sleeping all the time, physical body aches that are unexplainable. These symptoms are classic for depression.
A person who experiences a great deal of depressive episodes can suffer from "Unipolor disorder". It the same as bipolar symptoms without the Mania.

More on Suicide

Are you stuck in a deep dark depression that seems as though it will never go away? You wonder if your life has ever been worth living. The thoughts are so far away you can’t even remember. You feel worthless and feel that you bring sorrow to everyone who loves you. You feel clearly that they’ll all be better off without you.
There is a light at the end of that dark tunnel. With proper treatment and medication you will live a wonderful and happy life. I’m living proof of that. The key is to make that commitment to yourself that you want to get well and take the first steps and don’t quit. It takes a lot of will power and work but it will work. Make the call, see the doctor and STICK TO THE MEDICATION!

If your feeling like Suicide

Having Bipolar Disorder is a very difficult disease to live with. At given times a person can feel suicidal, Lord knows I have. I had become very discouraged about alot of things throughout my journey and you probably have as well.




Life is precious, so if your feeling like no one cares or you want to end your life, give the following number a call.

1(800) SUICIDE
1(888) SUICIDE
People are available at anytime to help you.