About Me

I am a 47 year old woman who has lived with bipolar disorder all my life. I first recognized I had a problem when I was in the 8th grade. I went through a turbulant adolesence, which carried on into my adult life. I was finally diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder when I was about 30 years old. So needless to say, I struggled with not only my family members relationships, but with every relationship. At that time, I was a mother of two beautiful daughters. Raising two daughters with full blown bipolar illness. It wasn't easy at all. I went for inpatient hospitization when I was 32 years old when I found myself wandering the streets, barefoot and in tears. After my inpatient treatment I went on to outpatient treatment. I have to say it was the best thing I ever did in my life. After treatment my life began....

Thursday, December 31, 2009

the question "Are you taking your med's?"

Well it's another day and it's snowing out again. I wouldn't really mind but someone broke my shovel and I'm out a shovel now. Not to mention, I have to drive to stamford to celebrate the new year with Monique, my sister.

My younger daughter asked me if I was taking my medication? That's a frequent question when a family member or someone close to you, feels your not acting properly. Funny this time I answered her with another question."What do you notice is different about me","Why do you think I'm not taking my medication?" She didn't have much to say. Oh by the way Yes I'm taking my medication like religion.

Sometimes people think your not acting the way your suppose to be under med's. It's called being human. A person with bipolar is entitled to make mistakes or act differently at times. So don't down your self when the question comes up.."are you taking your med's?" people just like to make other's feel like shit, probably because their feeling like shit themselves.

Well everyone out their have a Happy New Year.....

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

My high school sweetheart

To begin with my sweetheart was the love of my life back then. He looked liked a model you would see in GQ. We were together for 2 years until I up and moved to California. We seemed like the perfect couple. He took enjoyment with beating my ass. He would beat me up and then expect to have sex immediately afterward. I guess it was his way of absolving himself. We would go away skiing with friends, out to dinner with friends, did all kinds of things and yet the beatings went on. Oh how I thought I was so in love. He would buy me everything and be so romantic but I paid for it all. I truly believe this contributes to my PTSD.

I just a quick note: through the entire holiday season, I weathered it great this year. Very stable on medication. One mental note, I still change subjects at the drop of a hat. It's definitely part of the illness.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Another day in my life

Aside from the fact that I still have trouble sleeping because my mind runs over so many things that have happened to me. I have a good life. I am always wondering when the bottom is going to fall out. I guess that's a part of the post traumatic stress that I live with. I used to wonder why I was always freaked out about having to do things or how to do things but now I know it's PTSD. Today I feel like my bipolar is catching up with me. I think it's because I've been sick for 3 days. It's bound to happen. I had a hard time with going into a store today with my daughter to return an item. How stupid but it happened.

I live with my daughter Stephany who is totally bipolar and won't admit it. It's so hard to deal with her and try to keep myself sane. I love her dearly but she can be quite abusive toward me. I try to let it roll off but until she moves out I have no choice. This is the daughter that just found out she's pregnant. Well tonight is a good night though, I have my baby girl Victoria sleeping in her bed and spending the night with me. I couldn't ask for anything more.

Friday, December 18, 2009

A little about me and my crazy life

Well enough is being said about all the side effects and all the technical jargon about bipolar. Now I can start to talk about living my life with bipolar. I think back about my days of my youth and it seems as though I'm looking at another person. All the ups and downs of my life with bipolar. I still have ups and downs but not like before. There minimal now. I have to say taking my medication has changed my life.

The most important person I have now in my life is my granddaughter Victoria. She's the light of my life. I just can't get enough of her. I just had to say that. Being a grandmother has changed my life in the best way possible. Being able to have a close relationship with her means the world to me. When growing up I wasn't allowed to have relationships with a number of people because of my bipolar illness. I wasn't "stable" enough.

Many things go on in my everyday life which I'll get into more in detail but for today that's it. Oh by the way I just found out I'm going to be a gramma again, but that's a whole story in itself.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Taking responsibility for you bipolar illness

You must take responsibility of your disorder, not meaning that it is your fault, because it is not, but in the sense that your recovery is ultimately your responsiblity. There is no doctor, medicine or treatment that can cure your bipolar disorder or mental illness. These can only help to treat your illness. Being complient with your treatment is the best way to manage your mood disorder. That lifelong commitment comes into play again. It is totally well worth the commitment. I have had bipolar all my life, I'm now 47. I made this commitment to myself approximately 15 years ago. I was 32 years old. My life has totally changed, my relationships have changed, everything has changed in my life. It's like i look at a different person when I reflect about my life before treatment. My life is good now. I have fulfilled relationships with family members and friends. I love my life now, and you can love yours too.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Tips on treatment

For the manic phase of bipolar disorder, typically used are antipsychotic medications, lithium, and mood stabilizers. For depression, antidepressants are suggested, with or without the manic phase treatment.
There's not alot of evidence suggesting that any medication is successful in the maintenance phase. However, in studies that followed patients for a number of years, lithium and some antipsychotics were found to be very successful.
Antipsychotic drugs can help a person who has lost touch with reality.
Anti-anxiety drugs, such as benzodiazepines, may also help. The patient may need to stay in a hospital until their mood has stabilized and symptoms are controllable.
Getting enough sleep is important keep a stable mood in alot of patients.
Psychotherapy is helpful during the depressive phase. Joining a support group may be particularly helpful for bipolar disorder patients and their loved ones.

Risks for not seeking treatment:

Untreated or undertreated bipolar bring all types of devastating consequences. Because bipolar distort self-concept, attitute, thinking, behaviors, relationships, perception, judgment and reactions to every situation you encounter, they change the very essence of what makes you "you."

Not only educating yourself about your need for treatment it's important to educated other's about your treatment plan. I know this from experience. I lost a long-term job from hiding the fact that I am bipolar. If I had made it clear to the union of my illness I would never had the right to be fired. So covering all of your bases is a proven fact. Being clear to the people around you and not being ashamed of your illness is best.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Therapy and bipolar disorder

Once your diagnosed with bipolar illness, it's best to line up yourself some therapeutic services. There are many approaches to therapy. The best type of therapy is a one on one counseling. This is very effective for most people. There is group counseling which people get alot out of it, but most start out with the one on one for bipolar illness. Counseling is one approach but it's important to also see a psychiatrist. Your psychiatrist will work along with you to monitor your medication regimen. Some people like to see their psychiatrist for medication as well as counseling, it's an individual preference. Most Psychiatrists only deal with the medication aspect of treatment.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Bipolar Disorder in Children and Teens

Not only do adults have bipolar disorder but kids and teens also have the disease.
Their are alot of children and teens who experience great depressions or a series of manic episodes. They experience the highs and lows of bipolar disorder.

When experiencing mania, alot of teenagers get the feeling that they have super powers. They have a soring high self esteem, extreme amounts of energy and don't sleep for days and don't even get tired. You will notice, an increased amount of talking, talking to much and to fast, changes in topic radically and God forbid being interrupted.

Children and teens will experience risky behavior and will abuse substances, such as drugs and alcohol. A typical symptom is sexual promiscuity.

A child will experience extreme bouts of depression, being sad and crying alot, not to mention suicide attempts and death. Kids won't be interested in activities they are usually interested in. Complaints of alot of illnesses, many physical symptoms, such as low energy, tiredness, concentration problems, eating problems, boredom, HDD, ADHD or even schizophrenia.

Friday, December 4, 2009

What's the cause of Bipolar

Bipolar disorders are caused by differences in how a person's brain and nervous system regulate basic behaviors.

The human nervous system is an amazing organic machine, creating and reaction to a complex stew of chemical, electrical, and magnetic impulses. It's constantly humming away, taking in information from all of our senses and reacting to it in ways that control every bodily activity, from basic breathing and circulation on up.

A single misstep in one of these process can set a chain of events in motion that leads to a neurological event, such as a memory lapse, a seizure, or a manic episode. If such missteps occur constantly, the person has a neurological disorder.

Brain scans can show where abnormal activity is ocurring, when a person is bipolar, or whether the brain is structured differently than usual.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Some talk on Bipolar Disorder

Men and woman both get bipolar disorder. The illness is most common in people between the ages thirteen to thirty one. The cause for this is a mystery. Bipolar disease is definitely passed down from our family.

There are two different kinds of Bipolar, I and II. Bipolar I is more severe than bipolar II. This illness starts in the brain, when your bipolar the transmission in the brain, skips working in a pattern. It's weird but it's a good description of what happens. Bipolar is the same thing as manic depression. The manic meaning mania, it's makes you very fast, especially your speech and thoughts. I say it's going 120. The depression is a huge sadness overcoming you. It gets hard to do anything, especially get out of bed. These mania's and depression's alternate. The goal is to make them come to a medium. When your bipolar these mania's and depressive states are very severe.

There's another illness that is misdiagnosed alot, it's called cyclothymia. It's very close to bipolar II.

SEROQUEL and bipolar illness

As any medication SEROQUEL has it's share of side effects. Before we go ahead and take SEROQUEL there are some side effects to consider. In clinical studies SEROQUEL worked very well for bipolar illness. SEROQUEL has been linked to diabetes and high blood sugar.

A person who is overweight or has diabetes is suggested to be treated by their doctor and have their blood levels checked. It is very important to have your blood sugars monitored through the time you use SEROQUEL. If the doctor finds a problem with your blood sugar levels he may consider discontinuing the medication.

A few side effects you may experience is as follows: fatigue, throwing up, weak, gaining weight, drowsy, dizzy, parched, constipation, upset stomach, sore throat, vomiting.

I have to say I know alot of people who take SEROQUEL at bedtime and find it to work very well.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

TRILEPTAL for bipolar disorder

TRILEPTAL is a medication which is used for bipolar disorder but is mainly used for the treatment of seizures, most common for the treatment of epilepsy. TRILEPTAL is used for the treatment of bipolar disorder and is very effective. It is in the same family as tegretol. TRILEPTAL works for bipolar disorder and for alot of people but not everyone.

I myself take TRILEPTAL and find it to be a wonderful medication. It stabilizes my bipolar disorder to the fullest. I had been on lithium for a long period of time and transferred over to TRILEPTAL, best move I ever made.

The main goal is to manage your bipolar disorder. Once you've got your mood swings under control, your bipolar disorder will be under wraps. Things will only get better. TRILEPTAL is not the only medication to help to control your bipolar disorder. Lithium is a great medication. I have found the least amount of side effects with TRILEPTAL.

Monday, November 30, 2009

My thoughts on LITHIUM

When taking LITHIUM for bipolar disorder you will find it to be one of the best medications. However, you can experience some minor side effects. Clinical tests show that about 75% of people who take LITHIUM for bipolar illness will experience some type of side effect. These side effects will definitely weaken as you go on taking the medication. It's very common for allot of side effects to disappear after adjusting the dosage.

It is suggested that you let your doctor adjust your dosage, don't self medicate, like I always used to try to do.

The most common side effect's are: Hands shaking, diarrhea, thirst, vomiting, weight gain, increased urination, fatigue, hypothyroid, loss of hair, weak, concentration loss, loss of memory, and acne. I must add that I have experience all of these side effect's when taking LITHIUM. LITHIUM is a very strong medication. After time alot of these side effect's went away.

You must immediately consult your doctor if you experience any of the following: Slurred speech, walking difficulty, tripping, confusion, fainting, fever, and rapid heart rate. Express to your doctor all your medical history. Do not drink, drive or use machinery and stay away from all salt.

Do not double up on your medication.

I took LITHIUM for a total of 10 years and dealt with alot of side effect's but I really liked the medication. If I didn't get diabetes insipidus (another side effect), I would still be on it. I now take Trileptol, zoloft and abilify.

Feeling Bipolar?

I like to feel that there is truley no "normal". Every person make's life what is it. If your bipolar it can be very difficult to find that mid point. Not being so manic and not being so depressed. Being bipolar you may feel some of the following symptems:

Fell very different that you may usually feel
Your thoughts may be very fast for very slow
Your feeling feel very disturbed
Functioning difficultly
Concentaration difficulty
Feeling irratical

Seeking treatment is your next approach to your illness. It's unfortuate because most people deny being bipolar. When seeking treatment for bipolar, or manic depression or any mental illenss it is a lifetime commitment and many people can't handle the commitment.

Friday, November 27, 2009

ABILIFY for Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar Disease, better know as manic depression, A disease which takes place in the brain. The disorder causes mood swings, known as manic, and severe depression. From clinical trial bipolar disease is not only genetic but hereditary too. A person with bipolar who experiences extreme high's (elevated mood) and low's (depressed mood). When your a person affected by bipolar illness, you must except it's a lifetime illness. When living with bipolar illness you not only need to take a medication regimen but psychotherapy is highly suggested.

A good medication that's works in conjunction with an antidepressant is ABILIFY.
I happen to take ABILIFY, and find it to be a wonderful medication. Statistics show this medication works well for people with bipolar disease.

ABILIBY is a medication suggested to help the symptoms of sadness and deep depression. A few symptoms of depression are suicide, not liking your life, not eating, overeating, loose of sleep, to much sleep, not sleeping well, pain, worthlessness.

Again, ABILIFY works very well with an antidepressant, working in conjunction with one another. A process know as augmentation is when the ABILIFY boosts the antidepressant effect. It has been clinically tried and has had a positive result.

Some side effects of ABILIFY are as follows:
weight gain
blurry eyesight
retaining fluid

Given there may be some side effects from this medication, it is proven to be very effective for the treatment of bipolar illness.

people, ABILIFY is a extremely effective medication to treat bipolar illenss.

Responsiblity of your illness

Being bipolar is not your fault, but we must be accountable for each illness we blessed with. Being fully responsible is very important. Bipolar disorder is not a curable disease, but you can become stable with the help from your doctor. Your treatment for your bipolar is your responsiblity. It is a commitment you must make to yourself.

Learning to live with bipolar illenss has been a huge part of my life, and I will be 48 years old this year. I made my lifelong commitment when I was approximately 32 years of age. I have found that everything around me has changed, every relationship I'm involved in has gotten better. Life before treatment was a merry go round.

I deal everyday with a daughter who doesn't expect that she is bipolar. That is a major difficult task for me. It takes everything in my power to stay focused on my own recovery. I have a strong will and believe in God. He helps me get through each day.

I love my life now, and you can love yours too.

Feelings on Medication side effects

Take a moment and do research on the medication you are going to take.All medications your about to take have side effects. Most side effects you experience can be controlled. The most common is increased thirst and frequent urination, which can be controlled with drinking more water and evacuating more frequently. You most likely will feel as though you don't want to take a medication, like most people. Just because a side effect is listed somewhere doesn't necessarily mean your going to encounter that particular one.

All side effects depend on a persons body chemistry and the combination in which they are taking other medication. Each combinations works differently on one person opposed to the other. Some may work for one and not for the other. Some people require a huge dosage opposed to another not needing such a high dose.

If by change, your side effects you may be experiencing are not getting any better, you should consult your doctor and have him adjust your dosage or just change you altogether to another medication. This is to be evaluated by your doctor. Newer medications are formulated much differently than the older ones and tend to cause less side effects. Consult with your doctor to be closely monitored when changing a dosage or medication altogether.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Do you think your medication is working?

When taking medictions for bipolar illenss, you will notice changes happening, changes with your body as well as your emotions. You may notice right away changes in your emotions. The changes occur very slowly. Each individual with bipolar is different. You might not notice the changes all of the sudden, but they will happen. Usually others with bipolar will notice changes before you do, it's important to ask other's if they notice any differences in your behaviors.

When taking your medication for bipolar disorder you might first notice that you no longer get upset over certain situations as you did before. You will stop obsessing over things as you did in the past. You will feel comfortible dealing with everyday situations. Your mind will slow down and not wonder from subject to subject. When beginning medication for bipolar you may feel tired and run down but your focus will be clearer. Concentration will definately improve. You will experience the calm after the storm. It's an amazing feeling. Situations that once would upset you, don't anymore. You will see the difference between depression opposed to saddness.

I have been on medication for bipolar disorder for about 15 years and I have noticed all of these changes when my medication for bipolar was working right. It will sometimes take a number of tries to get the right combination of medications to work. But don't give up it's worth it.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

What is Bipolar Disorder?

Bipolar disorders are one of many medical conditions called depressive disorders. Bipolar affects the way a person's brain operates.

Bipolar is widespread. In the USA, it's estimated that more than 18 million adults have Bipolar. That works out to about 1 out of every 8 people, so there's a good chance that you or someone you know is dealing with bipolar.

Bipolar disorder goes by many names: manic depression, manic-depressive disorder, manic-depressive illness, bipolar mood disorder, and bipolar affective disorder are medical terms for the same condition.

Bipolar disorder is classified into two different types: Bipolar I, Bipolar II,. Mental health experts separate the condition into these two types because the symptoms of bipolar disorder show up differently in different people. When doctors know what type someone has, they can tailor treatment to that person's specific needs.

Bipolar is a form of mental illness much comparable to a disease like diabetes. There is a lot of controversy in the term "mental illness". However, it needs to be excepted by oneself and treated long term. Bipolar also known as manic depression is a mental illness. Having a mental illness involves, thinking, perceptions and behaviors that are not considered the "normal" in our particular culture or what society may perceive.

Living with Bipolar

Your world becomes an oasis of ups and downs. It’s a fine line between the manic stages and the depressive stages. When your up, your really up and when your down, your terribly down. Sometimes is feels wonderful to feel the up (manic). Incredible feelings of power and energy overwhelm you. You believe you can wholeheartedly pull off any trick you try. In another second you can feel the pulling force of the dark abyss below (depression). You may feel like your being cut in half. If these symptoms go untreated you can feel 1 to 5 levels higher or 1 to 5 levels lower, if your lucky you can experience balance for a little while. You can never truly trust your own mind.

Thoughts about Mania or Hypomania

Elevated moods that interrupt sleeping patterns, effect your appetite, changes your feelings about situations, and definitely changes your thoughts, self-esteem and confidence levels is a good description of Mania. Mania changes concentration and decision-making. Bipolar display mania symptoms along with depression but there's a possibility to only have hypomania, which is mania but not so severe. Some people go directly from mania to depression called cycling. There may be a time of what I call "normal". Some people just have manic episodes and don't experience any depression.

Some more symptoms of extreme mania are as follows: Bizarre behavior, definitely substance abuse, Risky behaviors, impulsiveness, racing thoughts (especially at bedtime), difficulty to focus and concentrate, and major elevated energy.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

My feelings on depression

Everyone has there down times and occasionally gets the blues. If you suffer from bipolar illness than you have experienced depression, to the fullest. I've had my share of depression.
From my experiences with depression, I found the following to be common syptoms of depression: Substance abuse is one big sign, being angry is another, becoming aggressive, not caring about yourself and other's, being self destructive, sleeping all the time, physical body aches that are unexplainable. These symptoms are classic for depression.
A person who experiences a great deal of depressive episodes can suffer from "Unipolor disorder". It the same as bipolar symptoms without the Mania.

More on Suicide

Are you stuck in a deep dark depression that seems as though it will never go away? You wonder if your life has ever been worth living. The thoughts are so far away you can’t even remember. You feel worthless and feel that you bring sorrow to everyone who loves you. You feel clearly that they’ll all be better off without you.
There is a light at the end of that dark tunnel. With proper treatment and medication you will live a wonderful and happy life. I’m living proof of that. The key is to make that commitment to yourself that you want to get well and take the first steps and don’t quit. It takes a lot of will power and work but it will work. Make the call, see the doctor and STICK TO THE MEDICATION!

If your feeling like Suicide

Having Bipolar Disorder is a very difficult disease to live with. At given times a person can feel suicidal, Lord knows I have. I had become very discouraged about alot of things throughout my journey and you probably have as well.

Life is precious, so if your feeling like no one cares or you want to end your life, give the following number a call.

1(800) SUICIDE
1(888) SUICIDE
People are available at anytime to help you.